Martin we’ve got a problem.
Indonesia is cool. It’s a republic, a 17,000+ island “archipelago” (which was my favorite word in 7th grade Geography), it supports the world’s second highest level of biodiversity, and it’s got a 720cm axle to crown height, pretty impressive.
Sweet right? Wanna know what’s not so sweet?
…when people in Indonesia build fake Geekhouse Bikes.
We’ve got this great little tool from big brother (Google) called Google Alerts. It let’s us know everytime “Geekhouse” or “Geekhouse Bikes” or “Boston hipsterz fixiez bike guyz” pops up on the world wild web. This is nice because it’s an auto-alert in my inbox every time we get featured on a blog or if some kid trash-talks us on YugoslaviaFixed or whatever.
Some things started popping up that are slightly more damaging than Eastern-Bloc haterade.
Our 2009 NAHBS Rockcity
A 2010 Indoneekhouse WTFcity
Now believe me- I love Indonesian knock-offs. I own about 40 fake Coach purses and that Indonesian Obama impersonator they’ve got… Classic.
But this hits a little closer to home. We don’t have a lot of details but these entrepreneurs, we think, come from one of the 6,000 human-populated islands of Indonesia (I’m 99% sure this isn’t the work of a Sumatran Tiger). They are mass producing bikes that they are then selling under the name Geekhouse. Briefly, that ain’t right. Worst of all- they’re blogging about it. Take my bikes, have my decals, but whatever you do-
DO NOT MESS WITH MY INTERNETZ FAME
You can tell the fakes because, well, they’re awful. If you can’t tell the difference between a real Geekhouse and a knock-off you don’t need an explanation you need invasive retinal surgery.
We’re bummed about this because we put a lot of hard work into our company. While we’re not that small (we have, count ‘em, three space heaters) we’re pretty surprised that we’re being knocked-off. Anyways, the Indoneekhouses are pretty busted so you probably shouldn’t buy one. I mean, I only kind of want one and I can have as many real Geekhouses as I want.
They are even knocking off our lengthy lead time on bikes by utilizing Slow Lorises to miter tack and grind down all the fake “Yo Marty” forks (aptly renamed “Yo Abdurrahman Wahid!”)
There’s nothing we can do about this. Much bigger companies have much more prolific imitators in even grander parts of the Pacific Rim. So we thought we would just spam you to complain about it a bit. Kind of like when your boyfriend/girlfriend shrugs around the house waiting for you to ask “What’s wrong baaaaabbbbyyyyyy?” We’ve been sulking around like that for weeks but the UPS guy is tired of hearing us putz and he started writing “Whine Country, USA” on all of our packages from QBP. I’m beginning to think he’s not even that into my problems.
In conclusion…
WHATEVER INDONESIA. I’M SO OVER YOU. DOES EVERYONE KNOW THAT YOU’RE A BUNCH OF LIARS? I’M DOING GREAT. I’M FINE. I FEEL BAD FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU DONT EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE. I’M GOING TO THE HOSPITAL AND I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY. I’M FINE. I’M JUST CONFUSED. YOU KNOW WHAT? I’M OVER IT. I BUILT A WHOLE BUNCH OF GEEKHOUSES TODAY. I EVEN BUILT A BLACK GEEKHOUSE. CLICK.
Thanks for listening. I feel much better.
